President Mutt said many practical things, common sense things, uplifting, hopeful and empowering things Tuesday night to the crinkly crags of the U.S. Legislative branch. He also spoke to the People and did so with an elegance no less inspiring than Miyagi’s laborious encouragement of Daniel-san through the torment of uprooted youth.There were logistics involved in every word, as there surely are in every plan, direction, concept, and hinting nudge mentioned and fed to the clapping-honking sea lions in flag pins — who appeared very gaseous, continually raising and flopping up-and-down in their seats. There were also obvious moments of childish playground behavior when Sen. Walrus (a Republican from the Chum belt) refused to either Twist or Shout, promising “tusks to the jug-vein” for other mustachioed brethren who didn’t follow his party-line example. This gave an odd visual imbalance to the room, like half were struggling unhappily in their chairs with mediocre bowel movements, only glancing across the aisle to see wild ovations and steamy athletic performances of burlesque.
But never has a person, be they a President, pastry chef, teacher, or tee-ball coach, instilled in me as much pride for my birth country as B.H.O. has. His Tuesday evening address had me wrapped in big buxom stars and stripes, nearly forgetting the emptiness on my gay ring finger … that, and the joblessness in Rent-a-town … and the chair-bottom booger stains left by the previous administration. And then the super shit-sized dump truck sped into the industrial fan, which exploded and covered the planet of my heart with an angry tar.
Following B.H.O.’s stirring words, the major news networks allowed for a Republican rebuttal of sorts, done under the guise of “what were your thoughts on the President’s speech”. Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, introduced by Katie Couric as “the man who could give … a run in 2012”, took a stroll past the winding staircase of his mansion, up to a podium, AND began reading a fucking speech! It wasn’t a reaction to the President’s address; this was another speech. This political puppet (his state will receive stimulus money, so what’s he bitching about — not that he had a vote in the matter) was told to get in the last word … a “yeah, but” dig in the trenches of partisanship … party-line ideals repeatedly regurgitated, again! “Leaving our children in debt?” — muthafukas just had eight years! — witness the wreckage.
The worst thing was, more than it being a campaign try-out, Bobby Jindal’s style of speaking being so creepy. I felt he was trying to rub butter on the innards of someone having open-heart surgery; it sounded like the guy had just been unpacked from a create and wound-up for story-time. “I remember … as a boy … going to the store with my dad.”
Was that store in Mayberry, USA?
As the rhetoric flowed out into sound, I thought, this guy’s trying to tuck me into bed with double speak and head-pats. The Republicans are a party of scary assholes anyway, but their attempts to find a fresh face to represent them fills me with anxiety. Kooks crazier than Sarah Palin and Bobby Jindal will be yanked out of the shadows until doomsday. And their messages will be identical and their deliveries as upsetting as ever:
“Roe v. Wade will be shot into space and blasted with Jesus lasers; once a year, in public, chaperoned queers will be allowed to slow dance and eat wedding cake, but only in towns like West Hollywood or Homosberg … or on Indian reservations; the Middle East will become a tax-payer funded, fantasy resort for evangelical rejects with prescription handguns
(if it’s not already).”
Thankfully, for the present, these shitty ships are in dry-dock … although, the tide will cycle.
I recommend all politicians listen daily to the last 5 minutes of P. Mutt’s speech.
And that’s all I got Marvin, go Colts!
B.H.O. 54min.
Gov. Jindal 12.5min.
